I am a lucky man!

There have been a lot of changes in the overall last year. I was essentially censured at my place of work for what I feel were dubious circumstances at best. I have moved my family to accommodate work and commuting. In this I feel that I have made some very large mistakes.

1.
I went down without a fight. I took the advice of a superior in the work place and bit the bullet. I think that I made a very serious mistake by doing this. It has taken me a long time to get over that. I have had a hard time looking at myself in the mirror. I feel as if I have lost any semblance of self respect. I should have stood up for myself as a man and not begged for my job. The primary reason I did what I did was for what I perceived was the good of my family. I have since discovered that they would have rather had me explain where they could stick the job then to live for a year with me moping around. I made a mistake that I will not ever forget. I will never kowtow to a person to preserve a position that sucked to begin with. I have done my family a great disservice. To my family I am sorry.
2.
I listened to someone that I trusted and discovered that the only reason that the advice was given was to remove blame from that person. He was not interested in helping me, he was more worried about deflecting any criticism that might come his way because of his total inadequacy as a manager.
3.
I caught myself believing that because an individual is in a higher position than I that they are smart and deserve to be there. I have discovered that those are all totally unrelated to one another. Don’t believe a persons hype. I have discovered first hand that people with nothing to lose will do all that they can to destroy another person if only to bring them greater credit.
4.
There are definitely differences in an administrator/manager and a leader. I have worked my professional career to be a leader. I would like for people to follow me to a destination because they believe that I know where I am going and that I know how to get there. I believe that you lead from the front. You lead people by being someone that can be trusted and thereby instill trust in those that you lead. There are so many people that are put into leadership positions because they were good administrators or managers. Administrators put numbers ahead of direction. As long as the numbers are good what does it matter if we actually get anywhere?
5.
Last and most as far as I am concerned. There is immeasurable value in faith. As a young person I decided that I had little time for the pursuit of my faith. I stopped going to church at a young age. I decided that there were just more important things to do. I have found that over the last year I have relied on the hand of god on my head than at any other time in my life. I have no doubt that God has always been there I have just now chosen to hear his voice in my life again. The love of my family and the peace of God has been the only thing that has kept me from going totally ballistic this year. I plan on making sure that I never forget that these people around me are the only ones that love me without a question or exception. I will never take advise from sources that do not care about me God or most of all the love of my family.


I guess as an antihero I probably do not stack up to some of the more historic types. I am however a pure hero to my three boys and my loving wife. I owe to them everything that I am.

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